Nap Time Is The New Happy Hour

As a coach's wife I learned pretty quickly how to fill my alone time, especially during football season. Three and a half years of dating long distance taught me how to stay busy when Ricky wasn't around, so when we got married I wasn't intimidated by those long, husband-less Friday nights. In fact, I embraced them... happy hour, anyone?

It's no secret that I love happy hour.

Pre-motherhood, happy hour meant sitting on a patio at a Mexican restaurant, margarita in hand (rocks with salt), snacking on (okay, inhaling) chips and salsa, and giggling with my girlfriends. We would talk about our jobs, meaningless gossip, our husbands - don't worry, Ricky, only the good! - and anything else that happened to be on our minds.

And then I had children. Suddenly, my carefree Friday happy hours turned into nights at home alone with a baby... and then a baby and a toddler... and I would think to myself how I did not sign up for this. Oh but wait, yes I did.

Having just put my three munchkins down for their afternoon nap - and no, I did not spontaneously give birth overnight, I watch my nephew on weekdays along with my two - I have a few moments to reflect on my new happy hour.

Motherhood happy hour includes sitting in the recliner around 1 pm with the TV off (ahhh... silence), reheated coffee from this morning in hand, snacking on (okay, inhaling) Little Ricky's unfinished peanut butter sandwich from lunch, and giggling to myself because I've gone half crazy due to my lack of adult interaction.

(Did you know I speak two-year-old jibberish fluently? I also know all of the words to the stupid cookie song on Barney: "Looky, looky... it's a... cookie, cookie!" I hate that song.)

Please don't misunderstand this comparison as a complaint. I actually enjoy this new happy hour, and I see it as merely a season in my life. The patios will always be there, and I know there will come a day that I will be sitting at happy hour, margarita in hand, wishing for the days when my kids were still tiny and our days were filled with bubbles and diapers, Sesame Street and peanut butter.

And naps. Oh, how I wish someone would force me to get in my bed and sleep every afternoon. Nap time is usually when  you'll find me furiously cleaning house, doing laundry, blogging, and watching The View on my DVR. All of this while making sure the kidlets take a nice, long nap.

What's up? Multitasking, that's what's up.

So in these moments that are so gloriously uninterrupted by tiny people, I have the opportunity to get in a little me time. What do I do with that time? I learn how to become a better parent, of course! Go figure.

I am constantly seeing parenting articles and mommy blogs swirl around the internet. It seems they are pinned and liked and posted everywhere I turn. Confession: I read them all; I can't help it. I'm fascinated by what others think are the DOs and DON'Ts of parenting. Unfortunately, I sometimes find myself questioning my own parenting practices because of the all-knowing, sometimes accusatory tone many writers take. As a response, I  have decided to use today's nap time to share a few of my own D&D's about parenting. So without further ado...

1. DO feed your child.

That's it. It really is that simple. Do you want to breastfeed? Shake your ta-tas and go for it. Prefer formula? I recommend buying it at Sam's Club. Bulk = cheap.

There is a lot - seriously, a lot - of pressure on new mothers to breastfeed. Personally, I think if you can breastfeed and you want to do it that's great. I also think that if you can't or don't want to, that is perfectly okay, too. After growing another person in your body for 9 months and miraculously pushing the little angel out (I give equal credit to the old-fashioned way as well as the zipper), I believe you've already conquered the unimaginable as a new mother! Don't let someone else make you feel guilty or uncomfortable for however you decide to feed your child.

I've done it both ways. Breastfeeding Little Ricky landed me in the hospital for four days with mastitis when he was less than a month old. That sucked. I mean, really sucked. So I said to hell with it and gave him formula. I cried about it and felt guilty for awhile, but guess what? He's fine.

The Bulldog is six months old and we're still going strong with breastfeeding. It has been a wonderful experience, and guess what? She is also fine.

Just like everything else in parenting, there are pros and cons to both. I say do what is best for you and your child, and as long as your child gets to eat I'm happy.

2. DO let your child sleep.

I have a confession to make: "Hello, my name is Lucy, and I am a Nap Nazi."

It's true. If there's one thing I take very seriously about raising my children it's nap time and bedtime. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with my children's sleeping patterns, but I have always had very strong opinions about what healthy sleep looks like for my children.

But that's not the point of this DO. The point is that what healthy sleep looks like for my children may not be what it looks like for your children. And really, that is okay! Don't let someone else make you feel guilty or uncomfortable for however you decide to sleep your child.

Want to co-sleep? Great! Would you rather your baby sleep in a crib? Perfect! Again, I say do what is best for you and your child, and as long as your child gets to sleep I'm happy.

3. DO work hard.

Do I think staying home with your children is better than going to work? Not necessarily. It just depends on the situation. I think some mothers are fabulous at staying home all day and others are fabulous at working full time.

I've done both, and they are both hard. When Little Ricky was born I was teaching full-time. With the arrival of the Bulldog (and consequently the astronomical price of daycare for two children) I decided that staying home was right for me. They have both  been the right option for me, just at different times in my life. The bottom line: Don't let someone else make you feel guilty or uncomfortable about your decision to go back to work or stay at home.

4. DO love your child.

No explanation needed here. I'm positive you are doing this already. All day, every day, unconditionally. On the good days, the bad days, and the days that feel impossible. Make your decisions out of love, and you won't go wrong. I promise. And when you do make mistakes -we all do, it's inevitable - just think about the great stories your child will have as a dysfunctional adult. Because aren't we all dysfunctional, really?

5. DON'T judge.

This one is really hard, so at least try not to judge. We are all guilty of judging other parents. Yes, even me. I think making snap judgements about parents who do things differently is our way of justifying our own ideas. Justifying to who, though? Mainly ourselves. So rather than judging, let's practice thinking this simple mantra: To each their own. There are literally thousands of ways to parent! Your way, my way, and his way can all be the right way - even when they're different. And when you do have a judge-y thought, keep that negative juju to yourself. I promise to try harder if you will.

6. DO I really need to continue? I think you get the idea.

I hope you weren't looking for actual advice, because I haven't even really scratched the surface of how to parent. Oh yes, there are plenty more decisions left to negotiate. There are diapers, and discipline, and circumcision, oh my! And my oldest child is only two. I can't wait to see what parents of school-aged children are debating about.

While this post may come across as wishy washy, I want to be clear about something. I absolutely have strong opinions and ideas about the best ways to parent my children, however I will not sit here and write about how what I do as a mother is unquestionably right. That would seem to imply that if you don't do it my way you are inherently wrong. Sadly, that seems to be a common theme of many parenting blogs and articles lately, and I think we're all perfectly capable of making ourselves feel like shit without the help of the internet. I can feel inadequate all by myself if I so choose, thankyouverymuch.

And for what it's worth, you are doing a fabulous job, mama. Hang in there.

So will I continue to read these blogs and articles? Of course. Sometimes they make me think and give me ideas, and other times they are so ridiculous or judgmental that I laugh and move on. My last piece of advice is this: read the books and articles and listen to other mothers, but take it all in with a grain of salt. Preferably margarita salt.

And since I'm right and you're right, let's have a margarita and call it a day.

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