May 23, 2012

And They Called Her Pinny

I've got bad news. It's really bad.

No seriously - it's a problem.

I'm addicted. That's right. Addicted.

My drug of choice? Pinterest.

I have turned into a pinning freak. It's gotten so bad that Ricky no longer calls me Lucy. My new nickname is Pinny. Seriously.

How can one website be simultaneously terrific and awful?

Terrific because of the neverending ideas for cooking, baking, sewing, decorating, art projects for children, fashion tips, hairstyle how-tos, and probably even step-by-step spelunking instructions if you dig deep enough. I don't know - I rarely make it past the food.

Awful because it might just be the most incredible time suck ever created. Even more than Facebook. That's right! I can easily spend more time pinning than creeping on the Facebook pages of the people from my past. Don't even pretend you don't do that, too.

(By the way, if I haven't talked to you in a few years and I happen to see you out somewhere I will most likely ask what you're up to and how things are going. Truth is, I already know the answers due to your Facebook status updates and photo albums. Not only would I probably recognize your children if I saw them, I would know their names and ages.)

 So Pinterest.

Ironically, I found this little gem on Pinterest.

I have convinced myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am capable of becoming an all-around domestic bad ass because of all of the inspiration I have found on Pinterest!

I have plans. Oh yes, big plans.

I plan to bake a delicious chocolate fat free cake from scratch while wearing a homemade wrap dress and a 10-minute chignon in my hair. While my dessert is baking, I will cut fruit for a beach scene snack for Little Ricky as he paints the kitchen walls with colored shaving cream and rolls homemade playdough on the tile floor. My dogs will snack on treats baked from scratch, and I will clean up their mess with my organic, baby-friendly cleaning supplies I created from only three simple household ingredients. After strapping the Bulldog to my chest in a handsewn baby carrier (which according to the directions is super easy to make) we will head to the garage where I will strip an old piece of furniture and re-upholster matching bar stools. Follow up this project with some crafty wall hangings made from contact paper and Modge Podge and perhaps a quick reorganization of my spice collection using printed labels and Ikea shelves. Dinner will consist of chicken enchilada crockpot casserole with a side of oven-baked sweet potato fries and roasted cauliflower. Because on Pinterest the cauliflower is always roasted.

Whew! I feel exhausted just planning my day 'o Pinterest and this only covers about 7 of my 532,000 pins (on 481 boards, no less). Furthermore, I don't actually have the time to follow through with any of my Pinterest ideas because I'm busy, well... pinning.

So herein lies the Pinterest dilemma. How can one person possibly create/bake/build all of the fabulous ideas that are found on Pinterest?! Turns out, one can't. But for some reason that doesn't stop me from pinning everything that looks even remotely fun/tasty/trendy!

I forgot to mention the fitness pictures of super fit, tan, ripped chicks wearing lingerie and boxing gloves. Yeah. 'Cause that's gonna happen.

And then comes the guilt.

The guilt of knowing that realistically I will never attempt, much less complete, at least 90% of the crap that I pin.

I feel guilty for letting Little Ricky watch Caillou when we could be making handprint flowers and footprint butterflies instead! And for the record, I kind of hate Caillou. He's whiny and annoying, and I think Sid the Science Kid could kick his ass any day.

I feel guilty for not having a house that looks like it came from a Martha Stewart magazine that I created for less than $200 in only 4 days or less.

I feel guilty that I didn't leave cutesy notes on the bathroom mirror for Ricky,  not to mention following through on the other 17 ideas for How To Flirt With Your Husband!

Most of all I feel guilty when I spend $25 at Hobby Lobby buying supplies for a new Pinterest craft and then I get home and remember that I am not crafty. Not even a little bit.

Enough! I've had about enough of the guilt!

So instead of feeling guilty about all of the things I will never actually do, I have decided on a different approach to Pinterest. My new focus? Dessert.

Any dessert that looks even a little bit delicious gets pinned. I have decided that before I die I will attempt to make all of them. Because honestly, I don't love sewing. I don't love scrapbooking. I most definitely don't love making furniture out of vegetable crates and Gorilla Glue. But I do love to eat dessert. Not only do I love it - I'm damn good at it.

So bring on the cookies, cakes, pies, pastries... and don't forget all 300 recipes for Nutella desserts! Because this gal is ready to do some baking.

For the record, I have attempted exactly three pins. That's right... three. Stop pretending you have done more. One might say, though, that the three I have tried have been revolutionary. Truly.

Hard boiled eggs in the oven? Brilliant.

The best fruit dip ever? Delicious.

THE SOCK BUN?! Game changer.

And there you have it, folks. While I would love to keep writing about my love/hate relationship with Pinterest, it's time for me to go. Go pin, that is.

"Walk softly and carry a big pin." -President Theodore Roosevelt

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  1. OMG you are hilarious!! If it makes you feel better I've done ZERO of my pins =). And glad to know you keep with everybody on FB! =)

  2. This was HILARIOUS!